The Mind of A 20-Something Artist in a Crazy Cruel World

I went to the center of contemporary arts over the weekend. During my time there, I have never felt so much peace to be surrounded by various sculptures, paintings and sketches in my life. During my time at work, everything around me is fast-paced and no time to dream. There is no time to be aloof. I have to work long hours. It gets too tiring at times to drive to and from work at times. Hell, I have to drink coffee to get by during the hours. While some people may go into a art gallery and ask, "Why is this art?", I can only explain that art does not have to made sense. Art is whatever you put your mind to and everything comes together. That is pretty much my mind in a sense.

I DID Go To School, and Questioning EVERYTHING!

I went to college, stayed for four and a half years, got my B.A in History with some job experience in my belt, but not enough to sustain me financially, spiritually and emotionally. This is the reality I live in unfortunately with this economy. I have straight A's on my record alongside making it into the Dean's List, but with no job to make me feel fulfilled. Unfortunately with a B.A, all I get are jobs that doesn't paid enough and has me question at times, "Why got through college in the first place when I have all this debt?" Part of me doesn't want to erase all hope, but another side is telling me to forget about it. Education is important, but what good is it when this reality is thrown at me constantly with the economy?

I have to make some moves...

Remember that I said that there is a side of me that did not want to erase all hope? Well, I made some plans to go back to school to get my Masters in Art History. I plan to meet my old professors this week so we can strategize. I have a car now so I can afford to travel to and from my house. Deep inside, I know that the current situation I am in career-wise is not for me. Where I am at location-wise (I live in Delaware) will not work for me in the long run. I have to move back to New York. I know the opportunities there are more likely, but not without obstacles. I know I have support there from my family and friends. My parents in Delaware will support my decision 100 percent. I will work my butt off to make my dreams come true. I have to weigh my pros and cons of course before making such move. Either way, a change has to come. I also want to go back to acting as well. Ever since I was a child, I loved to act. Now, it is the time to do so while I am young to pursue that dream.

I tried to...

Please my parents by being "realistic" and look for jobs out their own concerns about making sure that I can survive. But I have realized that working in these jobs is not for me. I tried looking outside myself and see what other opportunities alongside some of the things I like to do. I like to help people in any way shape or form. There are many ways that I can help people. Certain fields such as the medical, social work and legal (to a certain extent) does cater to that. However, those careers does not fulfill me because I feel like I am losing a sense of self-expression. I tried to suppress them for the sake of the job, but I couldn't. I end up feeling emotionally and spiritually drained on the inside. I really tried, but the artist inside me is screaming on top of her lungs, urging me to let it out! This is me, 100 percent! Whether I am writing hubs every so often, I draw and picture and enjoy a work of art, read lines and perform, create nail designs, do makeup designs, art is me! And I have to focus on what makes me happy, not for other people.